The National FootBald League

The National FootBald League

By Jefferson Karps

Sean McVay can’t bench press his way out of this one. Successful? Yes. In tremendous shape? Never in doubt. The man is handsome. Very handsome. He’s also currently in the prime of his handsomeness. His peak. And yet… consider the following.

Coach McVay is thirty-six years old. McVay wrestled with thoughts of retirement after winning Super Bowl LVI this past February. I can’t help but think that being a head coach in the NFL is taking a large toll on coach McVay. Ultimately, McVay stuck around to defend his title… but at what cost? What I see is a man who performs his job in the top one percent of the top one percent of all people who perform the same job. I see that same man considering retirement in his mid thirties. That leads me to see a man with a heavy burden of pressure. I see that man not aging gracefully. That harsh aging process began this season in a week one beat down at the hands of the Buffalo Bills.

Not many would consider aging enjoyable. I certainly do not. The pressures of life can hit you hard, and when you’re punched by life the blows are absorbed by your body. You lose your hair. You lose your abs. You lose your childish charms. You wrinkle. This is the journey that has now begun for coach McVay. Most handsome coach in the NFL? By seasons end, not a chance. Same can be said for Matt LeFleur and Nick Sirianni, who have now officially received their obligatory mentions in this most handsome coach story.

Instead of giving the predictable response choosing handsome NFL coaches, I decided to look at the present and the future. I give you Robert Saleh, head coach of the New York Jets. By watching the man roam the sidelines I estimated this intimidating defensive wizard to be in his mid thirties. Coach Saleh is forty-three years old, and still without a wrinkle! In his life he has been through the battles of trying to stick on an NFL roster. Stressful. He has worked as a minimum wage intern just trying to catch on with a coaching staff. So very stressful, and still, no wrinkles. No wrinkles, no gut, and most importantly, no hair to lose. Robert Saleh is bald. Bald and beautiful, in the ruggedly open, nothing to hide way, that only bald can be beautiful. Yes, I’m jealous.

Robert Saleh is my most handsome coach in the NFL. Now, before anyone attempts to dismiss my selection by pointing out that other than not being able to lose his hair, coach Saleh will still have to deal with the stressful aging process associated with being an NFL head coach. You say, what is the difference? The simple answer is, The New York Jets. The Jets are and always will be terrible. Robert “Shining Skull” Saleh wont change that. Outside of Tom Brady, being gorgeous will not win you any football games, see the tuck rule.

Saleh will be fired, most likely by the end of the season. Goodbye New York. Goodbye head coaching stress. Coach Saleh will find himself in the shadows of another organization coordinating a defense. Another head coach will take the heat, add the stress, lose the hair and the abs, and rapidly turn into some form of Andy Reid. All while coach Saleh ages in grace and beauty until he receives another chance as a head coach. As he is introduced for that new opportunity we will all watch the press conference in awe. All of us will say, he hasn’t aged a day. All of us will proclaim, this man is the most handsome coach in the NFL.